Modeling healthy relationships

Psychologist & Author David Palmiter, PhD, ABPP, shares advice for parents on how you and your partner can work to be a model healthy relationship for your children
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Modeling healthy relationships

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As a father parenting a daughter or a mother parenting a son, I want to be the parent to them that I want them to marry. So if I'm a dad with my daughter, I want to do things that I want her future husband to be open of doing maybe not literally but symbolically. So maybe I let her do my nails or I brush her hair or I take her clothes shopping. I do those things that suggest that I can access her femininity and value it and enjoy spending time with her. I think if I'm a mother with a son I want to do things that maybe are more traditional boy activities, go to a pond explore and look for frogs. Lift weights with my son, go to sporting events with him. Be the mother, I want to see him marry later on if that's clear. I don't want someone my son marrying a wife who is not going to be able to share him those things and I want my daughter marrying a husband who's not going to be able to share those things with them. Now, of course there's also same sex relationships so the same description would go just flipping the gender roles. People often marry there parent or the exact extreme opposite of their parent and so I want to be that healthy model of what our relationship looks like.

Psychologist & Author David Palmiter, PhD, ABPP, shares advice for parents on how you and your partner can work to be a model healthy relationship for your children

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David Palmiter, PhD, ABPP

Psychologist & Author

Dr. David Palmiter is a professor of Psychology and Counseling at Marywood University, the President of the Pennsylvania Psychological Association (2012-2013), a practicing and board-certified clinical psychologist with over 20 years experience, a Public Education Coordinator for the American Psychological Association, author of an award winning parenting book (times three), dad (of 3.0 children; 3.5 if you count the neurotic dog) and husband (of over 22 years to Dr. Lia Richards-Palmiter, who says she has 4.0 children as she counts David). Dr. Palmiter has over three dozen professional publications to his credit, has given over 200 continuing education workshops around the country and has completed over 300 public education projects, including for outlets such as the LA Times, US News and World Report, USA Today, Wall St. Journal and O Magazine. A central aspect of his professional mission is to put air under the wings of parents as they try to raise happy and self-actualized children. 

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Transcription: 
As a father parenting a daughter or a mother parenting a son, I want to be the parent to them that I want them to marry. So if I'm a dad with my daughter, I want to do things that I want her future husband to be open of doing maybe not literally but symbolically. So maybe I let her do my nails or I brush her hair or I take her clothes shopping. I do those things that suggest that I can access her femininity and value it and enjoy spending time with her. I think if I'm a mother with a son I want to do things that maybe are more traditional boy activities, go to a pond explore and look for frogs. Lift weights with my son, go to sporting events with him. Be the mother, I want to see him marry later on if that's clear. I don't want someone my son marrying a wife who is not going to be able to share him those things and I want my daughter marrying a husband who's not going to be able to share those things with them. Now, of course there's also same sex relationships so the same description would go just flipping the gender roles. People often marry there parent or the exact extreme opposite of their parent and so I want to be that healthy model of what our relationship looks like.